The Only Answer I Need.

Yesterday morning started like any other. I woke up, took a shower, and started perusing social media as I sat on the edge of the bathtub to let my hair air dry for about ten minutes. It's the same routine I have every morning. But yesterday was different. Instead of scrolling through post after post without much thought, two things caught my eye. The first was something I saw on facebook. As I scrolled through a few posts, there was a headline that several of my friends had commented on a mutual friend's timeline. Usually I wouldn't think much of this but the fact that they all seemed to be offering condolences caught my eye. Immediately hooked, I clicked the timeline link and started reading post after post on my friend's wall. Why are they offering condolences? Did something happen to one of her grandparents? What's going on? Thoughts flooded my mind. Until I came to one comment. And my heart dropped. It couldn't be. This sweet girl's father had passed away. A tragedy. A life gone much to soon. I immediately called Kevin to tell him as I knew he'd want to know this news as it was through him that I met these people. He didn't answer and I dialed over and over again. I sent a text, "CALL ME NOW". Moments later, my phone rang and without much thought I blurted out the news. Silence is what I heard on the other end of the line. Then came the questions. Our hearts broke for this girl, her siblings, her mom. As we hung up, I prayed to God over and over again. My heart hurt for each of them. There were no goodbyes. No I love you's. Just gone. In the blink of an eye. I couldn't fathom it.

As if that wasn't enough bad news for one morning, I started looking on Instagram when I stumbled across another post from a dear friend that did me in. There it was. Another life lost. This time one that never got to begin. Miscarriage. A word I know the meaning of, but don't have the experience to share. Hot salty tears fell from my eyes and I wept. Why God? Why? The questions started coming fast. I looked to my Bible but couldn't see through the tears. I couldn't find the answers.

As I dropped Harper off at daycare, tears came to my eyes and I hugged her tight. What if I never got to see this precious girl again? What if she never got to see me? No I loves you's. No goodbyes. What if one of us was just gone in the blink of an eye? As I arrived at work, my heart was still burdened. I spent most of the morning praying for both of these families. I couldn't empathize with either of these girls as I've not been in either's shoes. But I know hurt, and that's something I can empathize with. We all can. No one is free from hurt in this world. 

Throughout the day I continued to pray seeking and searching for answers. As I was driving home, I realized that the answers had been there all along. I just refused to acknowledge them. The answer was in the rustle of the leaves floating across the road. It was in the wind I could hear and feel against my car. It was in the colors that painted the sky. In each of those things I could see, hear, and feel one thing. God. He's the only answer I needed. 

I don't know why God chose to take two lives so early. But I don't need to know. All I need to know is that He is God. A gracious God. A God of love. A God that knows all things. A God that knows what we need, when we need it. A God whose plan is always greater than our own. And I know that if something happens, it's because it's what He wants. Not because he's mean or punishing us. But because He wants what's best for us. So this morning as I wake up, I don't have questions. I have an answer. It's simple. Just one word. God. And that's really the only thing I need. 

Prayers for these two families over the next few days, weeks, and months to come will be greatly appreciated by many. 


  1. Oh, sweet friend - I am so sorry to hear of the sadness being experienced by people in your life right now. Death is truly the hardest thing we will have to deal with in this lifetime, and to have it happen around the holidays is somehow doubly cruel. Unfortunately, I do understand the pain of miscarriage, and will be thinking of your friend in the coming days. Losing a baby like that is tough - it's something that B and I still get emotional about, despite the fact that we have been blessed with both Caleb and another on the way. Prayers going out to these families now. Thank you for being so open in your faith today. Even though it seems like there are no answers sometimes, we can have peace in knowing that God is in control, even in our darkest moments.

  2. What beautiful words: and what a beautiful heart you have to continually pray for these families affected by loss. It is a mystery as to why God takes some so early or at unexpected times, but you are totally right. God is the only answer we need. Thank you for sharing!


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