On Being Content and Thankful

Good morning, ladies! I'm not sure how many of you are still around after I took a two month long break from blogging. But it's a break I was in desperate need of. You see, a few months back I stumbled across a quote that resonated with me. 

"The reason people struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else's highlight reel."

In the world of social media, this quote couldn't be more true.  Over the last several years, I've spent countless hours a day staring at a screen. Hours have been wasted scrolling through Facebook, Instagram, and Pinterest wishing I had this or looked like that. All the while never realizing I was growing more and more discontent with the things in front of me. The very things I once prayed earnestly for or wished I had. But thankfully God got a hold of me and opened my eyes so that I could see how misguided my vision had become.

Over the last few months I've taken time to step back and re-evaluate. I stopped blogging, stopped reading blogs, spent less time on social media, stopped posting as often on my own social media accounts, and tried to regain focus. I'll be honest. It wasn't easy. It's hard breaking habits you've had for years. But it was worth it.

Over the last few months, God's helped me to have a life of more contentment and taught me how to be more appreciative of the things in front of me.  I've learned to not look at my closet each morning and say, "I have nothing to wear" but instead look for ways to reinvent the outfits I do have. I've learned that I don't need to have a new home to have the home I want but instead I can renovate and redecorate the one we have to make it look more like the home I envision. I've learned to cook new recipes in an effort to save money and in turn enjoy dinners around the table with family and friends. I've learned to say no to frivolous spending and in turn invest money in things that matter like family outings and vacations. But most of all, I'm learning to love the life that God gave me. The one that isn't so picture perfect or blog worthy; the one filled with anxiety, arguments, meltdowns and chaos. The one that speaks truth and doesn't just showcase the picture perfect reality.

So from here on out ladies, this blog is about to get real...

Life with a Threenager

When Harper turned two, all of the seasoned parents warned me about the infamous terrible twos. I was prepared for the drama that was associated with this newfound independence of a toddler. I expected the occasional tantrum; the meltdown here and there. As Harper approached the three year old mark, I felt like we were making it out unscathed as for the most part, Harper's terrible two stage was a breeze. Only when Harper turned three, I realized I was wrong; so very wrong. Because no one, NO ONE, warned me about the threenager. If you're not familiar with the term, it's because you don't have one. The threenager is your typical three year old who thinks she's thirteen. And ya'll it's no joke. Some days I'm not sure if we're going to make it out alive. But just in case you don't think it could possibly be that bad, let me give you some insight into what it's like sharing a roof with a threenager these days.
> They suddenly have an opinion on what they wear. Before Harper turned three she never cared about what she wore. Each day, I made it a point to offer her two choices. A dress or shorts; sandals or tennis shoes; blue hair bow or pink hair bow, etc. Yet, suddenly, I'm the one being offered two choices these days. Case in point: This past winter I bought Harper two pairs of boots, a brown pair and a black pair. Until she turned three she didn't care anything about either one. But suddenly, they've become her favorite shoes ever...in the heatwave of summer. Each morning when she's dressed and I offer her her shoe choices, she promptly corrects me with "Mommy, brown boots or black boots?" 
> Speaking of clothes, they suddenly want to pick them out when you shop.  Since Harper was four days old, she's always accompanied me on shopping trips. Like I do with her clothes, I'll pick up a few items and ask her which she likes. She usually points to the one she likes and goes back to fiddling with the seatbelt clasp on her stroller or buggy until I pick up another item for her to choose from. So you can imagine my surprise when we headed to Belk over the weekend and I offered her a few new clothing options to which she repeatedly said "No, I don't like them. I want this one." and ran off to yank the most hideous dress you've ever seen off of it's hanger. I literally hung it up no less than five times as each time I offered her a clothing option, she'd emphatically remind me she didn't like any of them and would yet again run off to point out that ugly animal print dress. 
> They suddenly know how to negotiate. A year or so ago, my husband started a habit of buying Harper a toy every time he accompanied us to Target. It wasn't such a bad idea until suddenly, Harper began to expect it and only asked to go to Target in hopes of getting a new toy. So a few weeks ago, we were having dinner at a restaurant just around the corner from a local Target. As Kevin paid for our check and we got up to leave, Harper told her Dad that she needed to go to Target. When asked why she informed us that she wanted to get a Hiro train. Hearing this, I reminded her she'd already gotten a train that week so we would not be getting Hiro on this visit. Without missing a beat, she responded, "That's okay, Mommy. I don't need a Hiro train. I like any train." 
> They suddenly have a large vocabulary and know how to use it. A couple of weeks ago Harper was having one of her days where she was rather whiny. Without thinking I asked her to chill because she was getting on my nerves. To which her reply was, "Why Mommy? I'm not being annoying." Not long after that event, Harper was with Kevin and again,was whining. When he asked her to stop, she told him she didn't know why because she wasn't being ridiculous.
> They are suddenly independent...until they don't want to be.  Harper has always had an independent streak. After all, the child had to be evicted from my womb and even then she decided she wouldn't make it easy and took a whole twenty eight hours to get her butt in the world. Yet, that independence has increased ten fold since turning three. Suddenly, it's "Harper do it". Harper has to dress herself even if her shoes are on the wrong feet; brush her own hair even though she combs it more like a  mohawk; brush her own teeth even though she just sucks off the toothpaste; fix her own drink even though she gets more on the floor than in her cup, put her own self in the car even if that does mean it takes her ten minutes in the pouring rain. But when it comes to saying, "Harper clean up", suddenly that independent streak is out the window in a heartbeat and it's all, "Mommy do it". 
>  They have no fear. I'm not sure what happened to my child who always needed me in the same room and couldn't sleep without the light on. Because suddenly she's been replaced with a child who loves to climb the stairs by walking up the outside of them and holding onto the spindles. And don't get me started with the side of her that just knows she can walk in the parking lot without holding my hand. That's definitely a story for another day!
> Their favorite word is NO. I'm happy to say no is a word that never entered Harper's vocabulary. That is, up until last week when suddenly everything was no. Clean up your toys. No. Pick up your trash. No. Stop jumping on the couch. No. No, No, No. 
> Everything. I repeat, EVERYTHING, is a big deal. It can be as simple as what they're eating for breakfast or as big as "you're going to bed now". If it doesn't match their expectation and they end up disappointed, it's going to be a BIG deal. Just like last week when Harper cried for a solid hour at the top of her lungs as if she was being brutally attacked all because it was getting dark and we couldn't play outside anymore. She'd be great at drama (; 
So have I convinced you yet that this stage is horrible? Because if so, I do have some good news. Despite the temper tantrums, stubborn streaks, and know-it-all attitudes, three has been my FAVORITE age by far. Because along with all that negative stuff comes a kid who is smart as a whip; a kid with the biggest heart; a kid that loves hard; a kid that wants the best for everyone she's around; a kid that loves adventure; the kid that quotes Bible verses and says her prayers; and the kid that has me wrapped around her finger.  

A Scary Story + This Blogs Future

Good morning, ladies! I'm back today with some serious matters of the heart. If you've noticed, I've been gone for quite some time now. When Boston arrived, I decided to take a step back from blogging to adjust to being a mom of two. Trying to juggle life with a newborn and a child that was always used to being the center of attention while the husband was working night shift took quite a bit of balance so if it wasn't important, I let it go. Which means this little blog of mine got put on the back burner. 
After getting settled in as a mama of two, I had all intentions of returning back to blogging. I typed up quite a few posts that are currently sitting in my drafts folder; like the rest of Boston's birth story, his newborn pictures, the kids' new room reveals, etc. I had all intentions of sharing these all with the blogging world until one morning I woke up and read a post from one of my favorite blogging mamas and that's when it all changed. 
You see, this fellow blogger found out someone had been stealing her children's pictures and posting them on other social media accounts claiming they were her own. I wish the story ended there but it doesn't. The story gets sicker and sicker and all I can say is that her story was an instant wake up call to the fact that the world is full of very sick people. Which leaves me in a state of limbo...
I love blogging. I love all of the many people I've met through blogging. I love the opportunity it brings. & I love, love, love having all of the posts to look back on of our little family. But at what cost is this all worth? Is there some sick person out there reading my blog, doing the same thing? 
Over the last several weeks, I've considered ending this little blog of mine. I've contemplated making it private. I've contemplated just sharing random tidbits and leaving out pictures of our family. But then, that's what my blog is all about. It's an open journal for our friends and family to stay in touch. So where does that leave me?
Well, I've thought long and hard about this little space and I've even prayed about it. At this point, I've decided to keep this little blog of mine but there will be some changes. I'll be limiting the pictures I share of our little family. The pictures I do share of the kids will now be watermarked. They will also no longer be able to be copied from my blog. My social media accounts will be marked private so if I don't know you or I can't link you to a blog, I won't be accepting any new followers. Hopefully, these precautions will protect our little family but if in the future I find out they aren't, I'll be closing out this little space but I pray that it never comes to that. 
In the meantime, I'll be working on a post of our weekend (watermarks included!) to share one day this week. While I do that, if you have any tips for keeping your blog a bit more protected, please share! 

{Matters of the Heart} The Hardest Thing About Becoming a Mom

Happy Tuesday, ladies! Today, I want to share something that has been weighing heavily on my heart over the last six or so months. It's a topic that I've pretty much kept to myself but after recently reading an article on Facebook I was inspired to share my thoughts and feelings on the matter. So sit back with your cup of coffee or tea and lets get real this morning about some matters of the heart....

When I found out I was pregnant with Harper all of my friends could not have been more excited about the newest addition to our little family. Throughout my pregnancy, my friends were some of my biggest supporters. While Kevin worked nights, they took turns doing dinner with me to make sure me and baby Holt were fed; they registered for baby items with me; helped me decorate Harper's nursery; went with me to buy maternity clothes; and constantly sent me texts letting me know they loved, supported, and prayed for us daily. So when Harper arrived, I expected that same support to continue and our friendships to remain the same.

And for a while they did. For the first part of Harper's life, my friends called, text, and stopped by often. They brought us dinner. Offered to watch Harper for a few hours so we could nap. And some even offered to keep Harper for an hour or two just so Kevin and I could have a dinner alone every now and then. Things were going great. And then a few months went by and things shifted. Maybe it was the fact that the newness of a tiny baby had worn off or that my friends thought I was too busy for them after returning back to work, but many of my friends stopped calling, stopped texting, and stopped coming over. And you know what? It hurt. I always thought the hardest part of becoming a mom was going to be  having to learn to adjust to the demands of a baby while working a job, keeping house, and being a wife all with practically no sleep. But for me that wasn't it. Call me selfish, but for me, the hardest part about becoming a mom has been watching the girls I thought would be my best friends for a lifetime, replace me with friends that don't have kids.

I'd like to say it's gotten easier with time but if I did, I'd be lying. Just this weekend I logged into one of my social media accounts and saw one of my friends post pictures with another friend. I'm almost embarrassed to say it, but I cried and for the briefest moment, I considered just deleting my social media accounts so I didn't have to see anymore because it cuts my heart like a knife. It hurts to watch yourself be replaced and know there isn't anything you can do about it. It hurts to constantly try to stay in touch only to be told by your closest friends that they're busy and don't know when they're going to be free; yet they're always hanging out with other people.  But despite how much it hurts, the thing is, I get it and I don't blame them. I get that we aren't in the same place in our lives anymore. I get that they are single or married with no kids, so they surround themselves with the same sorts of people. And I hope and pray that one day that will change. Maybe when they have kids, they'll come back around and our kids will have playdates while we laugh at how things used to be.

But if not, that's ok because  I also remind myself that not all of my friends have replaced me. I still have a couple of my best gals that I can count on to always be there. There's still that friend who I talk to every single day. The one that will traipse all around Greensboro or Danville with me every single weekend on my many shopping adventures. The friend who comes and rescues me when I get in over my head and chases Harper around while I tidy up and cook dinner. The friend that my daughter calls B and gets giddy about every time she comes over. And then there's that friend who will drive three hours from Wilmington just so we can have a girls day. The one who will send me random texts to let me know she loves and misses not just me but Harper as well. And the friend that ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS stops by whenever she is in town... even if it's just for five minutes. For those friends, I am grateful and don't know how I could navigate marriage and motherhood without them.

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So what about you? What was the hardest part of motherhood? Did your friends seem to replace you when you became a mom?