Forgiveness

Several Sundays ago, I sat in a church service that no words can describe. The service was held at Kevin's church and of course, his uncle was the one preaching it. For the past few months, Keith has been doing sermons on the Lord's Prayer. That particular week, he was preaching on the phrase, 'forgive our debtors'. Keith spoke about how God instructs us to forgive those we have grievances with. He talked about the servant who owed the king what would now be considered millions of dollars today and rather than throwing the man in jail as the king should have, he forgave him of his debt and allowed him to be free. However, only minutes after his pardon, that same servant passed a man in the streets who owed him money and he grabbed him by the neck and required him to pay his full payment on the spot. This man did not owe him an atrocious amount, he owed him about 20 dollars. When one of the king's men saw what was happening, he told the king. The king then threw the servant in jail and the Bible says he was "tortured" until he could pay his debt back in full all because he could not forgive the man who owed him money just as he had been forgiven. This parable was told as an example for Christians. God made it pretty clear to us Christians that we have been forgiven over and over for the things we have done against God. Therefore, as Christians, it is our job to forgive those who have done wrong things against us.

As Keith opened up his sermon, he asked the congregation some questions. To be honest, I can't remember all of the questions but I can remember two of them. He asked if any of us had someone in our lives that did something we just couldn't forget? Was there anyone in our lives that we no longer talked to because of something that happened? Immediately, I thought, 'nope, there sure is not'. I thought back over my past and everyone I've had problems with I've forgiven. But as he continued to preach, there was one person that kept coming to mind.

As this person continuously popped into my mind, I couldn't help but argue with God. I didn't have any problems with this girl anymore. We'd spent several months arguing back and forth with each other and saying some things that looking back, I'm not very proud of from a Christian stand point. I'd told her I was sorry and I'd moved on passed it. So I couldn't figure out what God was trying to tell me. And then as the service's end was near, God spoke as clearly as I've ever heard him. He said, 'yes, but you've never forgiven her for not accepting your apology'. And then I couldn't help but think he was right. I'd told this girl I was sorry and I hoped we could become friends at some point and she'd never said anything back.

As everyone knows, I am a big people-pleaser. I will do just about anything for someone so that they will not have hard feelings towards me. It upsets me when there is something wrong between me and someone else. So naturally, when someone has a problem with me and I address that problem, I want to know everything is okay. I guess you could say, I need closure. Yet with this girl, I never got that. So that part of me that needs that ending, couldn't let go of the fact that she wouldn't give it to me. Therefore, I couldn't fully forgive her.

As people came to the altar after Keith's sermon, I sat on that front row and prayed that God would help me let go. I prayed that he would take the bitterness I had been harboring for the situation and turn it into something good. I prayed that whether or not that person ever forgives me, I will no longer have hard feelings with her. And you know, its absolutely amazing how fast God works. As soon as I prayed, a burden had been lifted off of my shoulders that I never knew I had been carrying.

A quote was given during the service and it says, "forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future". I absolutely loved that quote because of the truth of it. I'll never be able to go back and change the things that happened and to be honest, I'm not sure that I want to. Those decisions got me in the place I am today and I feel that this is where I'm supposed to be. But at the same time, I do regret them. I hope that by forgiving this person as well as myself, the future will hold something so much better than my past.