A Song I Once Loved is Now A Reminder of Who I Once Was

As I have said time and time before, I LIVE through music lyrics. I constantly search for lyrics and quotes that sum up the story of my life. So when I stumbled upon The Band Perry's "Walk Me Down the Middle" quite a while ago, I could not have been happier! The lyrics to the song fit mine and Kevin's relationship to the perfect T! Here's the lyrics for you to read and then let me explain!

I was meant to be by your side
And I have waited here a long time
For you to turn around and notice me
But now you're here holding hands with me

Walk me down the middle of the county fair
Walk me down the middle like you don't care
Walk me by the ferris wheel
And make sure that she sees
Let the whole world know you belong to me

I heard about your bitter end
About how she stole your heart and put it back again
Well I may not be the prettiest girl around
But I sure am a sight for sore, sore eyes
Walk me down the middle of Main Street
Walk me down where the whole town will be
I don't need no parade
But make sure that she sees
Let the whole word know you belong to me

I'd walk through fire for you
Walk through barbed wire for you
I'd walk for miles, it's true
Just to be with you

If you walk me down the middle of my momma's church
Walk me down that aisle in your finest shirt
Let the whole world know you will
Walk me down the middle of the county fair
Walk me down the middle like you don't care
Walk me by the ferris wheel
And make sure they see
Let the whole world know you belong to me
You belong to me

Most of you know how Kevin and I got together but for those of you who don't, let me fill you in on a few of the events. Kevin and I met each other at Jaycee Park in August of 2007. For a little over a year, he and I would randomly message each other on facebook or AIM to see how things were going on in each other's lives. We never exchanged numbers or hung out until September of 2008. Kevin had randomly messaged me one morning in September telling me he'd seen my boyfriend at the ballpark the night before with his "other girlfriend". Little did he know that we'd broken up that very night after a friend of mine informed me my ex was at the ballpark all over another girl. When I told Kevin about it he was shocked because he was just joking. I told him I couldn't tell him the story because I had to go to class so I had to get off the computer but he could text me and I'd fill him in on the details so I gave him my number. A short while later he messaged me. In the process of me texting him the details, he fell asleep on me! That afternoon when he woke up he sent me a text apologizing. He then asked what I was doing. I told him I was going to get some lunch. Just being courteous I said "I'd say you could come too but I doubt your girlfriend would like that very much". Needless to say I was shocked when he said "Nah its straight, when ya going?". I can remember my eyes getting big and I was thinking crap, I wasn't serious! But I had already dug myself in a hole so we ended up meeting at Arby's and having lunch together. Little did I know that that lunch would be the beginning of something.

Over the next six weeks we would just randomly text each other like we'd done before with our AIM conversations, until one Friday night in October when Kevin sent me a message asking me to hang out with him. I was like "are you crazy?! you have a girlfriend!". Then he informed me that they had broken up earlier that week. I could tell he was pretty down through our conversation and I remembered how he'd helped me get through my break up so I agreed to meet up with him sometime but it wouldn't be that night. Over the next few months Kevin and I would randomly hang out. Sometimes I'd go to his ball games, or he'd swing by my apartment and hang out with me and my roommate, or sometimes we'd go grab a bite to eat. This went on for several months. Never once did he mention that he and his girlfriend had gotten back together! I later found out in February!

I was not exactly ecstatic when I found out this "minor" detail. But by that point it was hard to stop hanging out with Kevin because I had become part of his group of friends. His friends had become some of my best friends. So I figured Kevin's girlfriend knew I hung out in the group and I figured since Kevin and I were just friends it would be ok. WRONG! When summer got around, all hell (pardon my language but its truly what it was) broke loose. She and I went round and round! She wanted me to stop hanging out with Kevin and I refused because that meant I couldnt hang out with my group of friends since he was always with the group too. Every day she and I would be on facebook going back and forth at each other. I understood her perspective on the situation but at the same time, I wanted her to understand mine and I wasn't willing to budge.

The situation escalated so much that at one point I finally told Kevin he and I would NOT be friends anymore and I even put in to transfer to NC State to get away from all of the drama. But after the group encouraged me not to run away from my problems, I changed my mind and stuck it out at UNCG. But thankfully, the week school was to begin, Kevin and his girlfriend chose to take a break... or at least thats what I was told. Later I found out it wasn't quite like that and in the end, things ended pretty bitterly between the two of them. But at the time, I didn't really care. I was just thankful that Kevin and I could continue being friends without any problems.

Then a couple of months later, after one of their many ball games, we were all at Turks eating when Kevin's cousin mentioned she was going to the Dixie Classic fair the next day. I had forgotten all about the fair and I mentioned that I was going to have to get a group of my friends together and go that weekend. Then Kevin looked at me and said "we can go tomorrow if you want to". I was like "huh?". I was shocked. Usually we never did anything other than grab a bite to eat. He said "yeah, we can get Brooke & Bryan to go too". So he asked and then it was planned. The next day we were all going to the Dixie Classic Fair.

The next day rolled around and I was pretty excited! I looooved the fair! I put on my facebook that I was going that evening after I got out of class. I was later shocked when Kevin sent me a text and told me to not put that on my status because he didn't want to run into his ex (as she went to Wake Forest which was right up the road). I'd have never told him this but I was mad. Why would he care if he saw her? Secretly I hoped we would see her and she'd see us together. We weren't dating but I think I hoped she would think we were. In a way, I wanted her to see that hey, I won! But in the end, I didn't win with Kevin and I took my status down. I could understand where he was coming from.

When we got to the fair, he bought his tickets and I bought mine. So I didn't think of our trip to the fair as a date. But when we got ready to board one of the rides, I was shocked when Kevin reached down to hold my hand. But then I was kind of sad when he dropped my hand once we got on the ride. I remember thinking, "why does that bother me? I wasn't expecting that". But then to my surprise when we were finished with the ride, he reached for my hand again and then we walked right down the middle of the fair straight to the ferris wheel... all the while he held my hand.

So as I hear the lyrics to this song, they describe some of the most monumental events in our relationship. It talks about his and his girlfriend's bitter break up, how I had to fight for him (but I only fought to be his friend... nothing more!), how he held my hand at the fair for the first time, and then just in this last month, he walked me right down the middle of my Mama's church and showed the world that he belonged with me.

I once loved this song and I even included it on the cd we gave out as wedding favors but now as I listen to the words, I am no longer filled with joy. I am now filled with shame. I regret the words I spat at Kevin's ex-girlfriend as we'd go round and round. I regret how I treated her. I regret not caring about how she would feel if she had saw us together and thought we were together. I regret how I acted so immature thinking it was all a game that one could win. I regret all of those shameful thoughts. So now this song that once reminded me of mine and Kevin's relationship, now reminds me of the person I once was and hope I will NEVER be again.

One Day You Will

I came across this song today and I wanted to share it with all of my readers. The song is entitled "One Day You Will" and it is sung by Lady Antebellum. The song is a perfect reminder that just when you want to give up, just remember that even though it seems that things will never get better, they will in time. I've included the lyrics as well as the youtube video. I hope you enjoy it and appreciate it as much as I did!

One Day You Will lyrics

You feel like you're falling backwards
Like you're slippin' through the cracks
Like no one would even notice
If you left this town and never came back
You walk outside and all you see is rain
You look inside and all you feel is pain
And you can't see it now

[Chorus]
But down the road the sun is shining
In every cloud there's a silver lining
Just keep holding on (just keep holding on)
And every heartache makes you stronger
But it won't be much longer
You'll find love, you'll find peace
And the you you're meant to be
I know right now that's not the way you feel
But one day you will

You wake up every morning and ask yourself
What am I doing here anyway
With the weight of all those disappointments
Whispering in your ear
You're just barely hanging by a thread
You wanna scream but you're down to your last breath
And you don't know it yet

[Repeat Chorus]

Find the strength to rise above
You will
Find just what you're made of, you're made of

[Repeat Chorus]

One day you will
Oh one day you will

Eight Years Ago Today....

Saturday, May 24, 2003 is a day I will never forget. Not because of the fact that it was the day of my eighth grade formal, but because it was the day that my mom’s life almost came to an end.

On that particular day, my mom was throwing my class an eighth grade formal because we went to a Christian school and dances weren’t allowed. So she took it on herself to give us one. Therefore, the day was spent decorating, cooking, preparing gift bags, etc. All the while, my brother and I complained because helping her was not how we planned to spend our Saturday. But at 4 o’clock everything was just about done and my dad told my mom he was going to take my brother to the activity center to wait on people to arrive, while he went to get ice for the event. Dad told me to stay with mom so I could help her load up the van.

On the way to the center, my mom realized she had forgotten the pot of potatoes so we had to go back home to get them. As she was loading them in the car, she dropped them and water sloshed out of the pot. I knew she would be mad so I ran into the house to get a towel. When I came back outside, she was sitting in the seat with her feet hanging out of the car. I handed her the towel and I could tell something was wrong. She told me that I needed to go get help. I ran across the street and got my neighbor.

Immediately my neighbor knew something was wrong. We called 911 and they sent an ambulance right away. My mom explained to the paramedics that her head felt like it was in a drum. They asked her to climb onto the stretcher and she informed them that she couldn’t move her legs. They immediately thought she might have had a stroke.

I was all alone and scared to death. I tried calling my dad but I got no answer. My uncle volunteered to go find dad and he happened to see his truck stopped at a relative’s. He ran in, told Dad what happened, and told him to get to the hospital.

After arriving at the hospital, my dad went in the ER to see my mom. An hour later he came out crying. He said my mom’s brain was bleeding and they were flying her to Moses Cone to meet a neurologist to see what was going on. And on top of that she was sick. To most people that was not very relevant but for my mom that was very unusual. My dad told everyone in the 35 years he had known my mother, he had never seen her throw up.

My dad wouldn’t allow me to come to Cone until I could come with my sister. We couldn’t get in touch with her until almost eleven o’clock so we didn’t arrive at the hospital till almost midnight. When we got there, the nurse said the doctor was talking to my dad. She pointed us down the hallway to where they were. To this day I can remember looking down that hallway and thinking it looked a mile long. I can still feel my heart pounding and my knees shaking. We arrived just in time to hear the doctor say that 90% of people die on the spot when an aneurysm bursts. I knew about aneurysms. My grandpa and great grandma had died from them. He told my dad the fact that she was still alive meant she was a fighter. However, with surgery, there was still no promise that she would make it. But Dad persisted that they go on.

They took us to see her before her surgery and I barely recognized her. She had so many tubes coming out of her that I could only see her cheeks on her face… not even her nose or mouth. I can still see all the monitors and hear the beep beep beep of them.

When we came out into the waiting room, there must have been fifty people in there that we knew! We all stood around praying for mom. Her surgery began at 1am and she came out of it at 4:30am. She had made it but she was in a coma.

After 1 week in a coma, 1 week in the highest level of intensive care, and 1 week in a regular room, my mom came home. The fastest anyone had ever recovered from something like that! Only .01% of people ever recovered as well as she did.

I’m blessed to say that my mom is still alive today and is doing just fine!

Our "Wedding"

Most of you are not aware that Kevin and I got "married" back in February. It was a beautiful ceremony in which my teammates were happy to step in. Watch the video and you'll understand (:





Here is the video of our lovely soloist... Miss Kary Diorio (:

How to Make a Beautiful Life Together

So today at school one of the teachers I work with gave me a card that I just had to share with the internet world.

How to Make a Beautiful Life Together

Let love be your shelter.
The world is noisy and confusing at times,
so make a home that is a haven,
a peaceful place where you can listen to your hearts
and savor the comfortable closeness you share.

No matter how busy your days may be,
make time for yourselves.
Hold hands.
Unwind.
Surprise each other.
Find little chances every day to show you're grateful
to be partners, to be friends, to be married.

Life is not perfect.
You will make mistakes
but each time you meet life's challenges together,
you will grow wiser, stronger, and surer of your love.

Cherish your yesterdays.
They are irreplacable souveniers of your journey through life.
Make memories that will bring smiles and sighs whenever you look back.
(Look back often!)

Look forward, too.
Dream together.
Plan together.
Make promises to keep.
Believe in your tomorrows,
because tomorrows are what forever is made of.

To make love last,
put each other first.
That is the way to make a beautiful life together,
the kind of life you both deserve so much.