A Song I Once Loved is Now A Reminder of Who I Once Was

As I have said time and time before, I LIVE through music lyrics. I constantly search for lyrics and quotes that sum up the story of my life. So when I stumbled upon The Band Perry's "Walk Me Down the Middle" quite a while ago, I could not have been happier! The lyrics to the song fit mine and Kevin's relationship to the perfect T! Here's the lyrics for you to read and then let me explain!

I was meant to be by your side
And I have waited here a long time
For you to turn around and notice me
But now you're here holding hands with me

Walk me down the middle of the county fair
Walk me down the middle like you don't care
Walk me by the ferris wheel
And make sure that she sees
Let the whole world know you belong to me

I heard about your bitter end
About how she stole your heart and put it back again
Well I may not be the prettiest girl around
But I sure am a sight for sore, sore eyes
Walk me down the middle of Main Street
Walk me down where the whole town will be
I don't need no parade
But make sure that she sees
Let the whole word know you belong to me

I'd walk through fire for you
Walk through barbed wire for you
I'd walk for miles, it's true
Just to be with you

If you walk me down the middle of my momma's church
Walk me down that aisle in your finest shirt
Let the whole world know you will
Walk me down the middle of the county fair
Walk me down the middle like you don't care
Walk me by the ferris wheel
And make sure they see
Let the whole world know you belong to me
You belong to me

Most of you know how Kevin and I got together but for those of you who don't, let me fill you in on a few of the events. Kevin and I met each other at Jaycee Park in August of 2007. For a little over a year, he and I would randomly message each other on facebook or AIM to see how things were going on in each other's lives. We never exchanged numbers or hung out until September of 2008. Kevin had randomly messaged me one morning in September telling me he'd seen my boyfriend at the ballpark the night before with his "other girlfriend". Little did he know that we'd broken up that very night after a friend of mine informed me my ex was at the ballpark all over another girl. When I told Kevin about it he was shocked because he was just joking. I told him I couldn't tell him the story because I had to go to class so I had to get off the computer but he could text me and I'd fill him in on the details so I gave him my number. A short while later he messaged me. In the process of me texting him the details, he fell asleep on me! That afternoon when he woke up he sent me a text apologizing. He then asked what I was doing. I told him I was going to get some lunch. Just being courteous I said "I'd say you could come too but I doubt your girlfriend would like that very much". Needless to say I was shocked when he said "Nah its straight, when ya going?". I can remember my eyes getting big and I was thinking crap, I wasn't serious! But I had already dug myself in a hole so we ended up meeting at Arby's and having lunch together. Little did I know that that lunch would be the beginning of something.

Over the next six weeks we would just randomly text each other like we'd done before with our AIM conversations, until one Friday night in October when Kevin sent me a message asking me to hang out with him. I was like "are you crazy?! you have a girlfriend!". Then he informed me that they had broken up earlier that week. I could tell he was pretty down through our conversation and I remembered how he'd helped me get through my break up so I agreed to meet up with him sometime but it wouldn't be that night. Over the next few months Kevin and I would randomly hang out. Sometimes I'd go to his ball games, or he'd swing by my apartment and hang out with me and my roommate, or sometimes we'd go grab a bite to eat. This went on for several months. Never once did he mention that he and his girlfriend had gotten back together! I later found out in February!

I was not exactly ecstatic when I found out this "minor" detail. But by that point it was hard to stop hanging out with Kevin because I had become part of his group of friends. His friends had become some of my best friends. So I figured Kevin's girlfriend knew I hung out in the group and I figured since Kevin and I were just friends it would be ok. WRONG! When summer got around, all hell (pardon my language but its truly what it was) broke loose. She and I went round and round! She wanted me to stop hanging out with Kevin and I refused because that meant I couldnt hang out with my group of friends since he was always with the group too. Every day she and I would be on facebook going back and forth at each other. I understood her perspective on the situation but at the same time, I wanted her to understand mine and I wasn't willing to budge.

The situation escalated so much that at one point I finally told Kevin he and I would NOT be friends anymore and I even put in to transfer to NC State to get away from all of the drama. But after the group encouraged me not to run away from my problems, I changed my mind and stuck it out at UNCG. But thankfully, the week school was to begin, Kevin and his girlfriend chose to take a break... or at least thats what I was told. Later I found out it wasn't quite like that and in the end, things ended pretty bitterly between the two of them. But at the time, I didn't really care. I was just thankful that Kevin and I could continue being friends without any problems.

Then a couple of months later, after one of their many ball games, we were all at Turks eating when Kevin's cousin mentioned she was going to the Dixie Classic fair the next day. I had forgotten all about the fair and I mentioned that I was going to have to get a group of my friends together and go that weekend. Then Kevin looked at me and said "we can go tomorrow if you want to". I was like "huh?". I was shocked. Usually we never did anything other than grab a bite to eat. He said "yeah, we can get Brooke & Bryan to go too". So he asked and then it was planned. The next day we were all going to the Dixie Classic Fair.

The next day rolled around and I was pretty excited! I looooved the fair! I put on my facebook that I was going that evening after I got out of class. I was later shocked when Kevin sent me a text and told me to not put that on my status because he didn't want to run into his ex (as she went to Wake Forest which was right up the road). I'd have never told him this but I was mad. Why would he care if he saw her? Secretly I hoped we would see her and she'd see us together. We weren't dating but I think I hoped she would think we were. In a way, I wanted her to see that hey, I won! But in the end, I didn't win with Kevin and I took my status down. I could understand where he was coming from.

When we got to the fair, he bought his tickets and I bought mine. So I didn't think of our trip to the fair as a date. But when we got ready to board one of the rides, I was shocked when Kevin reached down to hold my hand. But then I was kind of sad when he dropped my hand once we got on the ride. I remember thinking, "why does that bother me? I wasn't expecting that". But then to my surprise when we were finished with the ride, he reached for my hand again and then we walked right down the middle of the fair straight to the ferris wheel... all the while he held my hand.

So as I hear the lyrics to this song, they describe some of the most monumental events in our relationship. It talks about his and his girlfriend's bitter break up, how I had to fight for him (but I only fought to be his friend... nothing more!), how he held my hand at the fair for the first time, and then just in this last month, he walked me right down the middle of my Mama's church and showed the world that he belonged with me.

I once loved this song and I even included it on the cd we gave out as wedding favors but now as I listen to the words, I am no longer filled with joy. I am now filled with shame. I regret the words I spat at Kevin's ex-girlfriend as we'd go round and round. I regret how I treated her. I regret not caring about how she would feel if she had saw us together and thought we were together. I regret how I acted so immature thinking it was all a game that one could win. I regret all of those shameful thoughts. So now this song that once reminded me of mine and Kevin's relationship, now reminds me of the person I once was and hope I will NEVER be again.

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