I was just out of the service thumbing through the classifieds
When an ad that said:"Old Chevy" somehow caught my eye
The lady didn't know the year,or even if it ran
But I had that thousand dollars in my hand
It was way back in the corner of this old ramshackle barn
Thirty years of dust and dirt on that green army tarp
When I pulled the cover off,it took away my breath
What she called a Chevy was a sixty six Corvette
I felt a little guilty as I counted out the bills
But what a thrill I got when I sat behind the wheel
I opened up the glove box and that's when I found the note
The date was nineteen-sixty six and this is what it wrote:
He said,"My name is Private Andrew Malone"
"If you're reading this,then I didn't make it home"
"But for every dream that shattered,another one comes true"
"This car was once a dream of mine,now it belongs to you"
"And though you may take her and make her your own"
"You'll always be riding with Private Malone"
Well it didn't take me long at all,I had her running good
I love to hear those horses thunder underneath her hood
I had her shining like a diamond and I'd put the rag top down
All the pretty girls would stop and stare as I drove her through town
The buttons on the radio didn't seem to work quite right
But it picked up that oldie show,especially late at night
I'd get the feeling sometimes,if I turned real quick I'd see
A soldier riding shotgun in the seat right next to me
It was a young man named Private Andrew Malone
Who fought for his country and never made it home
But for every dream that's shattered,another one comes true
This car was once a dream of his,back when it was new
He told me to take her and make her my own
And I was proud to be riding with Private Malone
One night it was raining hard,I took the curve too fast
I still dont remember much about that fiery crash
Someone said they thought they saw a soldier pull me out
They didn't get his name, but I know without a doubt
It was a young man named Private Andrew Malone
Who fought for his country and never made it home
But for every dream that's shattered,another one comes true
This car was once a dream of his,back when it was new
I know I wouldn't be here if he hadn't tagged along
That night I was riding with Private Malone
Oh,thank God,I was riding with Private Malone
6.27.2011
Riding with Private Malone
A few years ago, Kevin introduced me to the song "Riding with Private Malone" by David Ball. Of course, I immediately fell in love with it considering it was about a 66 Corvette! But after doing research and finding out that lyrics of the song describe a true story, I am not only in love with the song, I am obsessed with it! The thought that the story is real gives me chills! Read the lyrics and check out the song!
6.22.2011
You Are Never Too Old to Be Silly
Last Friday night Kevin and I got home pretty late because of his softball game (which he won by the way!). Because his game was at 9 that evening, we ended up going to eat at 7 with his brother, his girlfriend, and Kevin's cousins (Emily, Daniel, and Baby Sam) at Fursty's. So when we arrived home after the game, we found ourselves in the kitchen trying to find a midnight snack. After roaming our pantry looking for "something good", we finally settled on a healthy choice of chocolate cupcakes with that thick white icing from Walmart (my favorite!). I told Kev to get some napkins while I poured us some drink. But when I poured us a glass of tea and turned around, Kevin had devoured half of his cupcake in one bite and his mouth and fingers were covered in a glob of white icing! It was a sight! I couldn't say a word I just immediately started laughing while Kevin just stood there with his big grin and his "what did I do?" expression. But after a moment, he ended up bursting out laughing too. In our fit of laughter, he grabbed me and tried to rub all of that glob of icing on me. And what do you know? He succeeded! My face and arms were covered in icing! Then I looked at him laughing and said, "It's on!" The next thing I know, he takes off running and I start chasing him. For at least five minutes (no lie!), he and I chased each other around the first floor of our house. Lord knows what that scene looked like to the people who road down the road since our blinds were all open and the lights were on. I know they could see me in a maxi dress and Kevin in his softball uniform chasing each other round and round the house like a bunch of little kids. But you know what, no matter how much we looked like idiots, that was the most fun I have had in years! When I finally got a hold of him, we stood in the middle of the room laughing our heads off. We were so out of breath and were laughing so hard neither of us could speak. I felt just like a kid again.
Then last night as we laid in bed watching some tv before we fell asleep, Kevin rolled over and just randomly started tickling me. He knows I can't stand to be tickled; It's pure torture! But all I could do was laugh and squirm to try to get away from him. He just laughed and laughed. Of course he wasn't laughing quite so much when Rimshot jumped in the middle and started growling at him since he thought that Kevin was hurting me (he's my little protector :P). When Kevin finally stopped I told him I'd get him back and sure enough, I did! When he started to cuddle with me I slipped my hands right up on his rib cage and went to town; then it was his turn to laugh and squirm! When we got done with our little tickle fight we both had tears in our eyes from laughing so much!
As I relive those moments, I get that feeling I had when those events occured. The feeling you get when you really laugh is unbelievable. I can feel my heart swell with love and happiness and I truly feel the joy that I did when I was a kid playing on the playground. I'm reminded of when Oliver Wendell Holmes said "We do not quit playing because we grow old. We grow old because we quit playing". The truth behind that quote is unreal. So next time you feel like you're getting old and you don't have alot of fun anymore, try acting silly. I promise it will give you a whole new feeling and outlook on life!
Then last night as we laid in bed watching some tv before we fell asleep, Kevin rolled over and just randomly started tickling me. He knows I can't stand to be tickled; It's pure torture! But all I could do was laugh and squirm to try to get away from him. He just laughed and laughed. Of course he wasn't laughing quite so much when Rimshot jumped in the middle and started growling at him since he thought that Kevin was hurting me (he's my little protector :P). When Kevin finally stopped I told him I'd get him back and sure enough, I did! When he started to cuddle with me I slipped my hands right up on his rib cage and went to town; then it was his turn to laugh and squirm! When we got done with our little tickle fight we both had tears in our eyes from laughing so much!
As I relive those moments, I get that feeling I had when those events occured. The feeling you get when you really laugh is unbelievable. I can feel my heart swell with love and happiness and I truly feel the joy that I did when I was a kid playing on the playground. I'm reminded of when Oliver Wendell Holmes said "We do not quit playing because we grow old. We grow old because we quit playing". The truth behind that quote is unreal. So next time you feel like you're getting old and you don't have alot of fun anymore, try acting silly. I promise it will give you a whole new feeling and outlook on life!
6.21.2011
{Recipes}: Best Spaghetti Casserole Ever!
It seems with our crazy busy life, Kevin and I eat the same stuff every week for dinner. Our weekly menu includes shrimp, chicken tenders, hot dogs, spaghetti, pizza, shishkabobs, or some sort of chicken or beef with vegetables. Since I'm getting kind of tired of the usuals, I wanted to spice things up a bit and fix something different for dinner. But wouldn't you know, I have been craving spaghetti and a salad all day. And seriously, how many ways can you fix spaghetti? So I found myself online this afternoon looking for a recipe similar to spaghetti when I stumbled upon the Deen Brother's blog. As I flipped through the recipes on their blog, I came upon this mouthwatering picture of a spaghetti casserole. My mind was immediately made up. Thats what we're having for dinner! So I ran to the grocery store, grabbed all of the ingredients I needed, and rushed back home to try the recipe out. Boy did I score! It came out of the oven looking scrumptuous and smelt even better! After one bite I knew I had to have more. And even better, my hubby loved it too! He had three helpings of it! Its definitely a recipe I intend to make again. I figured I'd include it for you guys to try. It's really simple and inexpensive to make! But just as a suggestion, it makes a huge casserole dish so I'd either invite some friends over or make two smaller containers full so you can eat one then and freeze one later! Hope you enjoy!
Ingredients:
CASSEROLE:
Salt
1 pound uncooked spaghetti
1 tablespoon extra virgin olive oil
1 pound ground beef
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon dried oregano
1/4 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
Pinch crushed red pepper flakes
1 26-ounce jar spaghetti sauce
3 ounces Parmesan cheese, freshly grated (about 3/4 cup)
8 ounces mozzarella cheese, shredded or thinly sliced (about 2 cups)
GARLIC HERB BREAD:
1/2 cup (1 stick) unsalted butter, melted
2 tablespoons chopped fresh parsley
2 cloves garlic, minced
Pinch salt
1 16-inch loaf Italian bread, halved lengthwise
Instructions:
Preheat oven to 350°F. Bring a large pot of salted water to a boil. Add the spaghetti and cook according to package directions; drain.
In a large Dutch oven, heat the oil over medium-high heat. Add the beef; cook about 5 minutes or until brown, breaking meat up with a fork as it cooks. Add the salt, oregano, black pepper, and red pepper flakes. Stir in the spaghetti sauce, Parmesan, and the cooked spaghetti. Transfer to baking dish. Top evenly with mozzarella. Bake for 30 to 40 minutes or until the cheese is melted and bubbling.
For the garlic bread, while the casserole bakes, whisk together the butter, parsley, garlic, and salt. Brush the butter mixture over the cut sides of both bread halves. Wrap each half in aluminum foil; bake, alongside the casserole, for 15 to 20 minutes or until heated through.
For crispier bread, unwrap for the last 5 minutes of baking. Serve bread with the casserole.
Ingredients:
CASSEROLE:
Salt
1 pound uncooked spaghetti
1 tablespoon extra virgin olive oil
1 pound ground beef
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon dried oregano
1/4 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
Pinch crushed red pepper flakes
1 26-ounce jar spaghetti sauce
3 ounces Parmesan cheese, freshly grated (about 3/4 cup)
8 ounces mozzarella cheese, shredded or thinly sliced (about 2 cups)
GARLIC HERB BREAD:
1/2 cup (1 stick) unsalted butter, melted
2 tablespoons chopped fresh parsley
2 cloves garlic, minced
Pinch salt
1 16-inch loaf Italian bread, halved lengthwise
Instructions:
Preheat oven to 350°F. Bring a large pot of salted water to a boil. Add the spaghetti and cook according to package directions; drain.
In a large Dutch oven, heat the oil over medium-high heat. Add the beef; cook about 5 minutes or until brown, breaking meat up with a fork as it cooks. Add the salt, oregano, black pepper, and red pepper flakes. Stir in the spaghetti sauce, Parmesan, and the cooked spaghetti. Transfer to baking dish. Top evenly with mozzarella. Bake for 30 to 40 minutes or until the cheese is melted and bubbling.
For the garlic bread, while the casserole bakes, whisk together the butter, parsley, garlic, and salt. Brush the butter mixture over the cut sides of both bread halves. Wrap each half in aluminum foil; bake, alongside the casserole, for 15 to 20 minutes or until heated through.
For crispier bread, unwrap for the last 5 minutes of baking. Serve bread with the casserole.
6.14.2011
I Finally Gave Into the Trend
Its funny that when new styles hit the runway or are seen to be worn by every celebrity, I usually despise them! But then it's funny after seeing that trend for a year, I end up thinking it is cute. I'm not sure if it is because that is all I have seen for a year or if that is just all I have to choose from when I go shopping but in the end I usually give in to the trend. However, there are two trends I have REFUSED to give into; one being shoe boots and the second being maxi dresses. But after last week, I finally gave into the maxi dress.
Last week I went shopping with Aly and of course I have learned if you want someone to talk you out of a purchase, she is not the one to do it. She always ends up talking me into one and last week was no different. On a whim we decided to stop in at a local clothing store. While there Alyson pointed out a maxi dress she had bought the day before. I thought it was cute and told her I was sure it would look great on her but I knew I couldn't wear it. I told her I was sure I would look like a buffoon; especially since I'm so tall. Well that is the wrong thing to say to Aly because then she has to be proven wrong. So next thing I know I'm walking into the dressing room with three different maxi dresses. All the while I was putting the first one on, I complained about how ridiculous I was going to look. But once I had the dress on and I turned around and faced the mirror, I was pleasantly surprised. It looked pretty dern good if I say so myself!
When I came out of the dressing room, Aly assured me I had to get it. I told her I would try on the other ones and see which one I liked best because I was trying to save money so I could not get all three. And wouldn't you know it, I liked all three (story of my life!). I stood in the middle of the dressing rooms pondering which one I should purchase. And then Aly stepped in and gave her arguments on why I should purchase all of them! And her reasons were as follows:
1. I had pointed out that I needed more dress clothes to wear when teaching next year and that would qualify as dress clothes. Plus I'd be cute in it!
2. I had pointed out that I wanted more dresses but I was having a hard time finding ones that I liked and that were long enough. She pointed out that it was definitely long enough and when I got on the floor with my kids I didn't have to worry about flashing my kiddos. haha.
3. Each of the dresses I picked out would be appropriate for any season due to their colors so I could get lots of use out of them.
4. They would look super cute with cardigans (which everyone knows I loooove!)
5. And it was something that would be cute to wear out on a date.
And of course she was right about each argument! (Go figure! I really cant take her with me when I go shopping) So in the end, I paid for all three. But I do have to admit I got a great bargain because the dresses were marked down half price then I got an extra 30% off.
And I have to admit, I'm glad I ended up with all three because when I've worn them out I have received lots of compliments and my hubby loves them (which blew my mind away because I just knew he would hate them!). So now, I'm pretty much obsessed with maxi dresses and every time I go to a store I have to look at their selection! But thankfully I have refrained and only purchased one more & I did find it at Walmart so it was really cheap!
See how cute they are!
Last week I went shopping with Aly and of course I have learned if you want someone to talk you out of a purchase, she is not the one to do it. She always ends up talking me into one and last week was no different. On a whim we decided to stop in at a local clothing store. While there Alyson pointed out a maxi dress she had bought the day before. I thought it was cute and told her I was sure it would look great on her but I knew I couldn't wear it. I told her I was sure I would look like a buffoon; especially since I'm so tall. Well that is the wrong thing to say to Aly because then she has to be proven wrong. So next thing I know I'm walking into the dressing room with three different maxi dresses. All the while I was putting the first one on, I complained about how ridiculous I was going to look. But once I had the dress on and I turned around and faced the mirror, I was pleasantly surprised. It looked pretty dern good if I say so myself!
When I came out of the dressing room, Aly assured me I had to get it. I told her I would try on the other ones and see which one I liked best because I was trying to save money so I could not get all three. And wouldn't you know it, I liked all three (story of my life!). I stood in the middle of the dressing rooms pondering which one I should purchase. And then Aly stepped in and gave her arguments on why I should purchase all of them! And her reasons were as follows:
1. I had pointed out that I needed more dress clothes to wear when teaching next year and that would qualify as dress clothes. Plus I'd be cute in it!
2. I had pointed out that I wanted more dresses but I was having a hard time finding ones that I liked and that were long enough. She pointed out that it was definitely long enough and when I got on the floor with my kids I didn't have to worry about flashing my kiddos. haha.
3. Each of the dresses I picked out would be appropriate for any season due to their colors so I could get lots of use out of them.
4. They would look super cute with cardigans (which everyone knows I loooove!)
5. And it was something that would be cute to wear out on a date.
And of course she was right about each argument! (Go figure! I really cant take her with me when I go shopping) So in the end, I paid for all three. But I do have to admit I got a great bargain because the dresses were marked down half price then I got an extra 30% off.
And I have to admit, I'm glad I ended up with all three because when I've worn them out I have received lots of compliments and my hubby loves them (which blew my mind away because I just knew he would hate them!). So now, I'm pretty much obsessed with maxi dresses and every time I go to a store I have to look at their selection! But thankfully I have refrained and only purchased one more & I did find it at Walmart so it was really cheap!
See how cute they are!
6.13.2011
Wonderful, Merciful Saviour
In yesterday's Morning Worship Service, the Praise Team lead the church in worship with the song "Wonderful, Merciful Saviour" by Selah. I began singing the song but after singing the first verse, the words would no longer come out of my mouth. I stood there on that front row of my little church and listened as all of the members of our congregation sang to our Heavenly Father. As I heard the words they uttered, the truth and reality of those few simple words washed over me. The gratitude I felt at that moment was none that I have ever experienced. Tears came to my eyes as I realized the amount of compassion and love my Heavenly Father has shown me over the years.
I am so thankful for all that He is to me. He is not just my Heavenly Father. He is my wonderful, merciful Saviour; my precious Redeemer and friend; my counselor, comforter, and keeper. He is the one individual in this entire being that knows me inside and out. He is the one person above all else who has every reason to turn His back on me; but He is the one individual who is always there offering grace and mercy for the wrongs I have done. He is the one who gives me hope, strength, and guidance when I fall on my knees and say "God, I can't do this" or "I don't know where to begin". I am so thankful that He is who He is. He is forever and always the one I will praise and adore and I am so thankful to be able to say, I will forever and always be His.
I am so thankful for all that He is to me. He is not just my Heavenly Father. He is my wonderful, merciful Saviour; my precious Redeemer and friend; my counselor, comforter, and keeper. He is the one individual in this entire being that knows me inside and out. He is the one person above all else who has every reason to turn His back on me; but He is the one individual who is always there offering grace and mercy for the wrongs I have done. He is the one who gives me hope, strength, and guidance when I fall on my knees and say "God, I can't do this" or "I don't know where to begin". I am so thankful that He is who He is. He is forever and always the one I will praise and adore and I am so thankful to be able to say, I will forever and always be His.
6.12.2011
A Song I Once Loved is Now A Reminder of Who I Once Was
As I have said time and time before, I LIVE through music lyrics. I constantly search for lyrics and quotes that sum up the story of my life. So when I stumbled upon The Band Perry's "Walk Me Down the Middle" quite a while ago, I could not have been happier! The lyrics to the song fit mine and Kevin's relationship to the perfect T! Here's the lyrics for you to read and then let me explain!
Most of you know how Kevin and I got together but for those of you who don't, let me fill you in on a few of the events. Kevin and I met each other at Jaycee Park in August of 2007. For a little over a year, he and I would randomly message each other on facebook or AIM to see how things were going on in each other's lives. We never exchanged numbers or hung out until September of 2008. Kevin had randomly messaged me one morning in September telling me he'd seen my boyfriend at the ballpark the night before with his "other girlfriend". Little did he know that we'd broken up that very night after a friend of mine informed me my ex was at the ballpark all over another girl. When I told Kevin about it he was shocked because he was just joking. I told him I couldn't tell him the story because I had to go to class so I had to get off the computer but he could text me and I'd fill him in on the details so I gave him my number. A short while later he messaged me. In the process of me texting him the details, he fell asleep on me! That afternoon when he woke up he sent me a text apologizing. He then asked what I was doing. I told him I was going to get some lunch. Just being courteous I said "I'd say you could come too but I doubt your girlfriend would like that very much". Needless to say I was shocked when he said "Nah its straight, when ya going?". I can remember my eyes getting big and I was thinking crap, I wasn't serious! But I had already dug myself in a hole so we ended up meeting at Arby's and having lunch together. Little did I know that that lunch would be the beginning of something.
Over the next six weeks we would just randomly text each other like we'd done before with our AIM conversations, until one Friday night in October when Kevin sent me a message asking me to hang out with him. I was like "are you crazy?! you have a girlfriend!". Then he informed me that they had broken up earlier that week. I could tell he was pretty down through our conversation and I remembered how he'd helped me get through my break up so I agreed to meet up with him sometime but it wouldn't be that night. Over the next few months Kevin and I would randomly hang out. Sometimes I'd go to his ball games, or he'd swing by my apartment and hang out with me and my roommate, or sometimes we'd go grab a bite to eat. This went on for several months. Never once did he mention that he and his girlfriend had gotten back together! I later found out in February!
I was not exactly ecstatic when I found out this "minor" detail. But by that point it was hard to stop hanging out with Kevin because I had become part of his group of friends. His friends had become some of my best friends. So I figured Kevin's girlfriend knew I hung out in the group and I figured since Kevin and I were just friends it would be ok. WRONG! When summer got around, all hell (pardon my language but its truly what it was) broke loose. She and I went round and round! She wanted me to stop hanging out with Kevin and I refused because that meant I couldnt hang out with my group of friends since he was always with the group too. Every day she and I would be on facebook going back and forth at each other. I understood her perspective on the situation but at the same time, I wanted her to understand mine and I wasn't willing to budge.
The situation escalated so much that at one point I finally told Kevin he and I would NOT be friends anymore and I even put in to transfer to NC State to get away from all of the drama. But after the group encouraged me not to run away from my problems, I changed my mind and stuck it out at UNCG. But thankfully, the week school was to begin, Kevin and his girlfriend chose to take a break... or at least thats what I was told. Later I found out it wasn't quite like that and in the end, things ended pretty bitterly between the two of them. But at the time, I didn't really care. I was just thankful that Kevin and I could continue being friends without any problems.
Then a couple of months later, after one of their many ball games, we were all at Turks eating when Kevin's cousin mentioned she was going to the Dixie Classic fair the next day. I had forgotten all about the fair and I mentioned that I was going to have to get a group of my friends together and go that weekend. Then Kevin looked at me and said "we can go tomorrow if you want to". I was like "huh?". I was shocked. Usually we never did anything other than grab a bite to eat. He said "yeah, we can get Brooke & Bryan to go too". So he asked and then it was planned. The next day we were all going to the Dixie Classic Fair.
The next day rolled around and I was pretty excited! I looooved the fair! I put on my facebook that I was going that evening after I got out of class. I was later shocked when Kevin sent me a text and told me to not put that on my status because he didn't want to run into his ex (as she went to Wake Forest which was right up the road). I'd have never told him this but I was mad. Why would he care if he saw her? Secretly I hoped we would see her and she'd see us together. We weren't dating but I think I hoped she would think we were. In a way, I wanted her to see that hey, I won! But in the end, I didn't win with Kevin and I took my status down. I could understand where he was coming from.
When we got to the fair, he bought his tickets and I bought mine. So I didn't think of our trip to the fair as a date. But when we got ready to board one of the rides, I was shocked when Kevin reached down to hold my hand. But then I was kind of sad when he dropped my hand once we got on the ride. I remember thinking, "why does that bother me? I wasn't expecting that". But then to my surprise when we were finished with the ride, he reached for my hand again and then we walked right down the middle of the fair straight to the ferris wheel... all the while he held my hand.
So as I hear the lyrics to this song, they describe some of the most monumental events in our relationship. It talks about his and his girlfriend's bitter break up, how I had to fight for him (but I only fought to be his friend... nothing more!), how he held my hand at the fair for the first time, and then just in this last month, he walked me right down the middle of my Mama's church and showed the world that he belonged with me.
I once loved this song and I even included it on the cd we gave out as wedding favors but now as I listen to the words, I am no longer filled with joy. I am now filled with shame. I regret the words I spat at Kevin's ex-girlfriend as we'd go round and round. I regret how I treated her. I regret not caring about how she would feel if she had saw us together and thought we were together. I regret how I acted so immature thinking it was all a game that one could win. I regret all of those shameful thoughts. So now this song that once reminded me of mine and Kevin's relationship, now reminds me of the person I once was and hope I will NEVER be again.
I was meant to be by your side
And I have waited here a long time
For you to turn around and notice me
But now you're here holding hands with me
Walk me down the middle of the county fair
Walk me down the middle like you don't care
Walk me by the ferris wheel
And make sure that she sees
Let the whole world know you belong to me
I heard about your bitter end
About how she stole your heart and put it back again
Well I may not be the prettiest girl around
But I sure am a sight for sore, sore eyes
Walk me down the middle of Main Street
Walk me down where the whole town will be
I don't need no parade
But make sure that she sees
Let the whole word know you belong to me
I'd walk through fire for you
Walk through barbed wire for you
I'd walk for miles, it's true
Just to be with you
If you walk me down the middle of my momma's church
Walk me down that aisle in your finest shirt
Let the whole world know you will
Walk me down the middle of the county fair
Walk me down the middle like you don't care
Walk me by the ferris wheel
And make sure they see
Let the whole world know you belong to me
You belong to me
Most of you know how Kevin and I got together but for those of you who don't, let me fill you in on a few of the events. Kevin and I met each other at Jaycee Park in August of 2007. For a little over a year, he and I would randomly message each other on facebook or AIM to see how things were going on in each other's lives. We never exchanged numbers or hung out until September of 2008. Kevin had randomly messaged me one morning in September telling me he'd seen my boyfriend at the ballpark the night before with his "other girlfriend". Little did he know that we'd broken up that very night after a friend of mine informed me my ex was at the ballpark all over another girl. When I told Kevin about it he was shocked because he was just joking. I told him I couldn't tell him the story because I had to go to class so I had to get off the computer but he could text me and I'd fill him in on the details so I gave him my number. A short while later he messaged me. In the process of me texting him the details, he fell asleep on me! That afternoon when he woke up he sent me a text apologizing. He then asked what I was doing. I told him I was going to get some lunch. Just being courteous I said "I'd say you could come too but I doubt your girlfriend would like that very much". Needless to say I was shocked when he said "Nah its straight, when ya going?". I can remember my eyes getting big and I was thinking crap, I wasn't serious! But I had already dug myself in a hole so we ended up meeting at Arby's and having lunch together. Little did I know that that lunch would be the beginning of something.
Over the next six weeks we would just randomly text each other like we'd done before with our AIM conversations, until one Friday night in October when Kevin sent me a message asking me to hang out with him. I was like "are you crazy?! you have a girlfriend!". Then he informed me that they had broken up earlier that week. I could tell he was pretty down through our conversation and I remembered how he'd helped me get through my break up so I agreed to meet up with him sometime but it wouldn't be that night. Over the next few months Kevin and I would randomly hang out. Sometimes I'd go to his ball games, or he'd swing by my apartment and hang out with me and my roommate, or sometimes we'd go grab a bite to eat. This went on for several months. Never once did he mention that he and his girlfriend had gotten back together! I later found out in February!
I was not exactly ecstatic when I found out this "minor" detail. But by that point it was hard to stop hanging out with Kevin because I had become part of his group of friends. His friends had become some of my best friends. So I figured Kevin's girlfriend knew I hung out in the group and I figured since Kevin and I were just friends it would be ok. WRONG! When summer got around, all hell (pardon my language but its truly what it was) broke loose. She and I went round and round! She wanted me to stop hanging out with Kevin and I refused because that meant I couldnt hang out with my group of friends since he was always with the group too. Every day she and I would be on facebook going back and forth at each other. I understood her perspective on the situation but at the same time, I wanted her to understand mine and I wasn't willing to budge.
The situation escalated so much that at one point I finally told Kevin he and I would NOT be friends anymore and I even put in to transfer to NC State to get away from all of the drama. But after the group encouraged me not to run away from my problems, I changed my mind and stuck it out at UNCG. But thankfully, the week school was to begin, Kevin and his girlfriend chose to take a break... or at least thats what I was told. Later I found out it wasn't quite like that and in the end, things ended pretty bitterly between the two of them. But at the time, I didn't really care. I was just thankful that Kevin and I could continue being friends without any problems.
Then a couple of months later, after one of their many ball games, we were all at Turks eating when Kevin's cousin mentioned she was going to the Dixie Classic fair the next day. I had forgotten all about the fair and I mentioned that I was going to have to get a group of my friends together and go that weekend. Then Kevin looked at me and said "we can go tomorrow if you want to". I was like "huh?". I was shocked. Usually we never did anything other than grab a bite to eat. He said "yeah, we can get Brooke & Bryan to go too". So he asked and then it was planned. The next day we were all going to the Dixie Classic Fair.
The next day rolled around and I was pretty excited! I looooved the fair! I put on my facebook that I was going that evening after I got out of class. I was later shocked when Kevin sent me a text and told me to not put that on my status because he didn't want to run into his ex (as she went to Wake Forest which was right up the road). I'd have never told him this but I was mad. Why would he care if he saw her? Secretly I hoped we would see her and she'd see us together. We weren't dating but I think I hoped she would think we were. In a way, I wanted her to see that hey, I won! But in the end, I didn't win with Kevin and I took my status down. I could understand where he was coming from.
When we got to the fair, he bought his tickets and I bought mine. So I didn't think of our trip to the fair as a date. But when we got ready to board one of the rides, I was shocked when Kevin reached down to hold my hand. But then I was kind of sad when he dropped my hand once we got on the ride. I remember thinking, "why does that bother me? I wasn't expecting that". But then to my surprise when we were finished with the ride, he reached for my hand again and then we walked right down the middle of the fair straight to the ferris wheel... all the while he held my hand.
So as I hear the lyrics to this song, they describe some of the most monumental events in our relationship. It talks about his and his girlfriend's bitter break up, how I had to fight for him (but I only fought to be his friend... nothing more!), how he held my hand at the fair for the first time, and then just in this last month, he walked me right down the middle of my Mama's church and showed the world that he belonged with me.
I once loved this song and I even included it on the cd we gave out as wedding favors but now as I listen to the words, I am no longer filled with joy. I am now filled with shame. I regret the words I spat at Kevin's ex-girlfriend as we'd go round and round. I regret how I treated her. I regret not caring about how she would feel if she had saw us together and thought we were together. I regret how I acted so immature thinking it was all a game that one could win. I regret all of those shameful thoughts. So now this song that once reminded me of mine and Kevin's relationship, now reminds me of the person I once was and hope I will NEVER be again.
6.08.2011
One Day You Will
I came across this song today and I wanted to share it with all of my readers. The song is entitled "One Day You Will" and it is sung by Lady Antebellum. The song is a perfect reminder that just when you want to give up, just remember that even though it seems that things will never get better, they will in time. I've included the lyrics as well as the youtube video. I hope you enjoy it and appreciate it as much as I did!
One Day You Will lyrics
You feel like you're falling backwards
Like you're slippin' through the cracks
Like no one would even notice
If you left this town and never came back
You walk outside and all you see is rain
You look inside and all you feel is pain
And you can't see it now
[Chorus]
But down the road the sun is shining
In every cloud there's a silver lining
Just keep holding on (just keep holding on)
And every heartache makes you stronger
But it won't be much longer
You'll find love, you'll find peace
And the you you're meant to be
I know right now that's not the way you feel
But one day you will
You wake up every morning and ask yourself
What am I doing here anyway
With the weight of all those disappointments
Whispering in your ear
You're just barely hanging by a thread
You wanna scream but you're down to your last breath
And you don't know it yet
[Repeat Chorus]
Find the strength to rise above
You will
Find just what you're made of, you're made of
[Repeat Chorus]
One day you will
Oh one day you will
