This Time Last Year...

As I celebrated the 4th of July this year, I was reminded of the events that took place after the holiday last year. The week following the 4th last year was one of the most difficult weeks of my life because of a decision I made. Little did I know that this decision would change my life. For those of you who don’t know what that decision was, you’d be shocked to know that I told Kevin I didn't want to be friends with him anymore. If you’re thinking that I told him I didn’t want to be friends because I wanted to be something more, then you’re wrong. This time last year, I told Kevin I didn’t want to be friends with him, PERIOD!

In order for you to understand why I told him that, let me fill you in on the events that lead up to it if you weren't around last summer...

At the time, Kevin had a girlfriend. They had been together for 2.5 years and she lived about an hour away. I had never met her but I'd heard alot about her. I'd even talked to her several times on myspace and facebook.

At the beginning of the summer, Kevin and she broke up. The following week I went to the beach with my friends and Kevin and his friends came down later in that week. My friends and I met up with the guys just about everyday, be it for dinner, putt putt, or just simply to chill by the pool. Of course, we love taking pictures so we took lots of them when we were all together! When I returned home I put the pictures up on facebook. Little did I know that while we were all at the beach, Kevin and his girlfriend had been talking and were apparently planning on getting back together. A few days later, Kevin’s girlfriend sent me a message and told me to remove the photo I had of Kevin and I on the beach as well as the photos with Kevin in them. I understood her concern about the photo of Kevin and I and I took it off, yet, I didn’t remove the other photos. I didn’t see the point; they were just Kevin with his friends. Well she didn’t like that and she made sure I knew that. She also made it clear to me that she had a problem with me hanging with Kevin all the time. However, I told her I hung out with Kevin and our group of friends and not hanging with Kevin meant not hanging with them, and that wasn’t going to happen. This sparked a huge debate that went on for weeks. Not only did it involve me, but Kevin’s friends and family got in on it too.

At the end of June, Kevin and our group of friends all went to Emerald Pointe one Sunday afternoon. His girlfriend was invited but I guess something was going on and she didn’t come. When she asked who was coming, I guess Kevin left me out of the people attending because a few days later he informed me that she had deleted me off facebook, not only her profile but his as well because she'd found out that I'd gone too. I was mad! I had told Kevin I’d only be friends if he’d acknowledge it. That night after the guys ball game, we were all going to eat. I was telling Kevin’s friend Alex about what had happened and I was crying. When Kevin’s cousin saw me, he came over to my car and asked what had happened. I told him that Kevin’s girlfriend had deleted me off of her and Kevin’s profile and I was not supposed to talk to Kevin again. I can still see Daniel’s face now! He was furious! He told me to get to the restaurant and he’d take care of it. As soon as we walked in the door and sat at the table with the ENTIRE team and their dates, Daniel jumps up and tells Kevin he better add me back on facebook! All eyes were on me, Daniel, and Kevin. I knew Daniel was mad but I didn’t expect him to say something in front of everyone. The look on his and Kevin’s face was to much, so I jumped up from the table, told everyone bye, and ran out the door. As I was almost to my car, I heard someone running behind me. Before I could even turn around, Kevin grabbed my arm, turned me around to face him, and hugged me. I immediately broke down in tears in the middle of the parking lot. He told me he was sorry and no matter what his girlfriend said, we’d be friends. I didn’t believe him so I tried to leave. He refused to let me go. When I finally got ready to leave, he asked where I was going and I told him I was going home and he said he was coming too. He informed me that “where you go, I go”. Well I went home and a few hours later he showed up. After a few minutes at my house, I told him he had a girlfriend and he shouldn't be there. I guess you could say, I kicked him out of my house. Yet, it didn't have that powerful feeling like the movie portrays. I saw the hurt in his eyes and I felt awful. I wanted him to stay but I knew it wasn't right for him to be there.

A few weeks past and things were good. I hadn’t heard anything out of Kevin’s girlfriend and the drama seemed to have disappeared. Yet after the 4th, hell broke loose again. A few days after the 4th, I spent the day with Kevin and Alex chilling at the pool. That night Kevin’s girlfriend showed up at their game. After spending the whole day together, would you believe when she got there, he never looked my way; not at the ball field and not when the whole group went to dinner. I couldn’t believe it! I’d told him I wouldn’t be his friend whenever it was convenient. When the group and I paid and went to the Sagebrush parking lot, I told them I was tired of this crap. Kevin’s cousin told me he was too. He was tired of seeing Kevin drag me around all the time, asking me to do stuff with him or talking to me all the time, but then not even acknowledging me when his girlfriend was around. So I told the group I’d fix it. I stood in the Sagebrush parking lot, took out my phone, and sent Kevin a text message that was very simple, “I don’t want to be friends anymore”. Within ten minutes he’d sent me 7 messages wanting to know why? I never wrote him back.

For the first day, it was pretty easy. I kind of expected Kevin to message me, but he didn’t. Day 2 came and I didn’t speak to him all day but I saw him. I was at the ballfield and he came to watch the games. I stood 6 feet from him and I couldn’t even look at his face. I knew if I did, I’d want to talk to him. When he left, I got in my car and cried and cried. I told Kevin’s cousin how bad I felt. It was awful standing 6 feet away from my best friend and I couldn’t even talk to him. When I told him I didn't want to be friends, I didn't expect it to be that hard.

The next day, as I was getting ready to go to the ballfield, I heard my phone go off. I grabbed my phone and opened the text message. I about fell over when I saw that it was from Kevin and it said “its driving me crazy not being able to talk to you”. I wanted to text him back so bad but I couldn’t! I couldn’t be his friend anymore. I was tired of the drama.

I went to the ballfield and the group asked if I'd heard from him. I told them about the text. Alex told me he’d talked to Kevin and he sounded so depressed. I felt bad but I didn’t figure it was because of me. As the game was being played, Kevin sent me another message asking me the score of the game since he was at work and couldn't play. I told Alex to text him and tell him and so he did.

After the game, we all went to eat Japanese and then went back to Em and Dan's for a movie. As they talked about Kevin, tears came to my eyes. Emily told me maybe I should talk to him to get some closure, but I told her that wouldn't be a good idea. A short while later, Kevin called Daniel to find out how the game went. As he talked to him, he asked about me and told Daniel about how I wouldn't talk to him, not knowing that I was with Daniel and them at the time. Daniel told him he understood my reasons and everything would work out. All I could think was, I hope he's right.

That night at 1 in the morning, Kevin sent me a message wanting to know why I could talk to everyone else but I could not even text him the score to the game. Oh boy was I mad. It was 1 in the morning and he was messaging me about this crap! I gave in and texted him back and boy did we got into it! I told him how I felt and why I wouldn't be his friend anymore. I was tired of being his convenient friend. I was tired of him saying we'd be friends no matter what and then he'd act like he didn't know me if she was around.

After we finally calmed down and talked reasonably, I told him how hard not being his friend was and in turn he told me the same.

Telling Kevin I didn't want to be friends changed my life. If I wouldn't have told him, I don't think I'd have realized that he had become my best friend and at some point, I came to love talking to him everyday. I knew then that no matter how hard it would be, I'd still fight to be his friend.

Looking back, I know most people at the time thought I was fighting for Kevin because I liked him, but it wasn't that. I didn't know Kevin is who I wanted to be with until October of last year. But I have to say, that through everything we went through last summer, it made me value our friendship and appreciate the relationship we have now <3.