The Only Answer I Need.

Yesterday morning started like any other. I woke up, took a shower, and started perusing social media as I sat on the edge of the bathtub to let my hair air dry for about ten minutes. It's the same routine I have every morning. But yesterday was different. Instead of scrolling through post after post without much thought, two things caught my eye. The first was something I saw on facebook. As I scrolled through a few posts, there was a headline that several of my friends had commented on a mutual friend's timeline. Usually I wouldn't think much of this but the fact that they all seemed to be offering condolences caught my eye. Immediately hooked, I clicked the timeline link and started reading post after post on my friend's wall. Why are they offering condolences? Did something happen to one of her grandparents? What's going on? Thoughts flooded my mind. Until I came to one comment. And my heart dropped. It couldn't be. This sweet girl's father had passed away. A tragedy. A life gone much to soon. I immediately called Kevin to tell him as I knew he'd want to know this news as it was through him that I met these people. He didn't answer and I dialed over and over again. I sent a text, "CALL ME NOW". Moments later, my phone rang and without much thought I blurted out the news. Silence is what I heard on the other end of the line. Then came the questions. Our hearts broke for this girl, her siblings, her mom. As we hung up, I prayed to God over and over again. My heart hurt for each of them. There were no goodbyes. No I love you's. Just gone. In the blink of an eye. I couldn't fathom it.

As if that wasn't enough bad news for one morning, I started looking on Instagram when I stumbled across another post from a dear friend that did me in. There it was. Another life lost. This time one that never got to begin. Miscarriage. A word I know the meaning of, but don't have the experience to share. Hot salty tears fell from my eyes and I wept. Why God? Why? The questions started coming fast. I looked to my Bible but couldn't see through the tears. I couldn't find the answers.

As I dropped Harper off at daycare, tears came to my eyes and I hugged her tight. What if I never got to see this precious girl again? What if she never got to see me? No I loves you's. No goodbyes. What if one of us was just gone in the blink of an eye? As I arrived at work, my heart was still burdened. I spent most of the morning praying for both of these families. I couldn't empathize with either of these girls as I've not been in either's shoes. But I know hurt, and that's something I can empathize with. We all can. No one is free from hurt in this world. 

Throughout the day I continued to pray seeking and searching for answers. As I was driving home, I realized that the answers had been there all along. I just refused to acknowledge them. The answer was in the rustle of the leaves floating across the road. It was in the wind I could hear and feel against my car. It was in the colors that painted the sky. In each of those things I could see, hear, and feel one thing. God. He's the only answer I needed. 

I don't know why God chose to take two lives so early. But I don't need to know. All I need to know is that He is God. A gracious God. A God of love. A God that knows all things. A God that knows what we need, when we need it. A God whose plan is always greater than our own. And I know that if something happens, it's because it's what He wants. Not because he's mean or punishing us. But because He wants what's best for us. So this morning as I wake up, I don't have questions. I have an answer. It's simple. Just one word. God. And that's really the only thing I need. 

Prayers for these two families over the next few days, weeks, and months to come will be greatly appreciated by many. 

Burdened & Brokenhearted

Ladies this morning I come to you with a broken heart. A heart that is heavy and burdened. Three weeks ago a former student of mine, whose mother also works with me, was placed in the hospital. Three weeks ago we had no idea what that would mean. You see just days before being placed in the hospital Spencer complained to her mom that she wasn't feeling well. She visited the school nurse and I gathered it was chalked up to being the end of the school year blues. Everyone was feeling kind of blah at that time. EOG's were over, kids and teachers both were DONE. Everyone was just ready for school to be out. But over the weekend Spencer continued to not feel well so her parents decided to visit Urgent Care to just double check that everything was okay. After a quick visit, they were told it was just a virus. However, they made plans to take Spencer to her regular doctor the next day. Only they didn't get the chance.

When my coworker went to get Spencer up for school the following morning she continued to complain that she didn't feel well. Moments later she collapsed to the floor. Her mother had to do CPR until the ambulance arrived. From my understanding on the way to the hospital Spencer coded and a trach had to be placed to allow her to breathe. Hours later she was rushed from our local hospital to a children's research hospital. While there the doctors discovered she had Sepsis, an infection of the blood, that was caused by Strep. They knew Spencer would have a long road ahead of her but there was hope. Over the last three weeks, Spencer showed progress. She would move her feet, open her eyelids, cough, and even began to breathe on her own again so much so that her ventilator was removed just last week. All of her friends and family were encouraged and felt like she was truly on the road to recovery. But something happened, something went wrong.

Yesterday afternoon, she went to be with Jesus. I don't know why God would take such a young, vibrant eleven year old who had her whole life ahead of her. He took an only child from two amazing parents who loved and served Him with all that they had. So many prayers went up for her all morning, all day, and all night. People begged for her healing and her life and God said she was better with Him. I don't understand. I can't help but ask God why. But I know why. It's part of His ultimate plan even though we don't understand it right now. 

This morning I will meet on the front lawn of a local church where my coworkers and members of the community will humble ourselves and pray for this family. At this time there is nothing we can do for this family other than pray and I ask that you pray for the Springs Family as well. Their pain is unfathomable to me. I can't imagine having my precious baby ripped out of my life so suddenly. My only child, the one I prayed for for years. Today they will pick out their daughter's casket. Just the thought causes the hot, fresh tears to stream down my face.  My heart breaks all over again. Never in Laura and Kevin's wildest dreams did they imagine they'd be planning their daughter's funeral before they planned her wedding. Life changes so quickly.

Today hug your babies a little big tighter. Savor the good and the bad because in just an instant they could be gone. Remember the Springs family in your prayers in the days and weeks to come <3 nbsp="">